Siblings from 2 to 4 years old fight every 9.5 minutes,

and siblings from 3 to 7 years old fight an average of once every 17 minutes….

Your kids fight a lot?? First of all know this is normal! Siblings just fight a lot.

Why is this so hard on us? First of all because of the NOISE… the noise of their fighting is almost unbearable – at home it's annoying, in public it's embarrassing – furthermore it's also worrying…  Is it my role to protect the weakest? Can someone really get hurt? And why can't they just GET ALONG??? Siblings are supposed to love each other!! No, siblings are supposed to learn life through and with each other and when we intervene, we are only interrupting them.

So what should we do???

Be INVOLVED parents instead of INTERVENING parents – Take the kids for a talk and explain that from now on we won't be intervening anymore in their disputes (remember: no audience, no show), we tell them that we trust them to get along with each other and where our "red line" is (hitting, violence… this is different for each family), we understand and accept that brothers and sisters fight, that they get angry, jealous and envy each other sometimes, moreover we acknowledge that through this relationship they have the amazing opportunity  to learn valuable life lessons: how to negotiate, how to be social, how to sometimes give in and sometimes stand up for yourself, how to solve problems…. Stop acting like judges at home and start talking about VALUES of friendship, partnership, working together and helping each other. And most importantly: be a model of those values yourself - teach your kids through your own behavior.

kids fighting
portia nelson
parenting manifesto brene brown

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