There is no doubt about it, when a new baby enters the family, the oldest one is “dethroned”. However, let’s remember that having a sibling is first and foremost A PRECIOUS GIFT!
What can we do, as parents, in order to help our oldest child feel that her place is still secured and SIGNIFICANT in our family, and that she is still LOVED unconditionally and immensely…?
Make your child feel a FULL PARTNER in the process - From the pregnancy on, and up until the baby appears…. Share with her about everything that is happening, and ask for her opinion (like: “What kind of toys should we buy for the baby” or “Which kind of crib you think is better”?)
Emphasize how BIG and INDEPENDENT your child is – Highlight all the things she is already doing on her own, and continuously encourage towards more autonomy.
ASK your child FOR HELP – Not only “Please bring me the diaper”, but also “Why do you think the baby is crying”?
Underline how much THE BABY LOVES HER – “Look at how he smiles at you…”! or “Whenever you sing her a song, she instantly calms down…”
There might be some REGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS (like wetting again or back to whining a lot). The reason is because she sees the baby is getting a lot of attention when behaving like a baby - Respond in a PRACTICAL way, nonetheless do give EMPATHY for her world to have been shaken up a bit, and allow her to also “behave” like a baby from time to time.
Give your child some exclusive ONE-ON-ONE time – I’m not talking about those big-long-hour “dates”, but small simple 10-15 minutes a day, EVERY DAY. This will keep her cup full!
As always, I’m here if your need me.