When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.
According to the Adlerian theory criticism in parenting is extremely damaging, and is not recommended as an educative approach. Instead we suggest parents use ENCOURAGEMENT, in which one deliberately chooses to emphasize the positive, instead of the negative.
So when you are trying to “change” your child’s behavior, highlight the positive…. (even if 99% is negative)!!!
Examples:
My child seems always nasty with his little brother – Instead of telling her time and again how bad she behaves, try catching those tiny little moments when she does have a kind gesture towards her sibling, and make those moments big - “I love seeing you guys playing so nicely”!
Your child comes home with a 60/100 grade… instead of telling him he failed, go over the 60% he did magnificently well!!
Think of yourself and every time you did something “wrong” – you made a mistake, failed, spoke badly, did not act truthfully or honestly – you just knew it… It’s the same with kids, they are smart enough, and THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHEN THEY MESSED UP! So when you keep on reminding them how bad they behaved, they only develop anger and resentment, they feel humiliated, and it eventually damages their self-esteem.
I am aware that discontinuing to correct, or “repair” our children, when they do things the wrong way, is a tough concept to grasp and to apply, but on the long run, using encouragement, will be much more beneficial in your education! Remember WE ALL WANT TO LIVE UP TO EXPECTATIONS, so start encouraging your children on all they do well, and they will want to do even better.