Do you often show signs of anger, frustration or disappointment at home?
We all wish our children would just listen to us, sometimes talk, or share with us, take our advice, and eventually embrace some of our values…. The only way to get there is by fostering a positive relationship with them.
“You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse.
When children feel better they behave better” (Pam Leo)
So how do we create a positive atmosphere at home?
A good rule to remember is the 80/20 ratio of positive interactions.
This means that only 20% of the time we should address our children in a negative way: commanding, screaming, getting angry, criticizing, blaming, being sarcastic and more.
While 80% of the time, our interactions should generate a good feeling, or at the least be “neutral”, like: smiling, complimenting, talking softly, listening, sharing, encouraging, joking, showing affection, playing, giving attention, making acts of love (buying a small gift, cooking a favorite meal…) and many more.
Start by observing how you are interacting with your children throughout the day… You can really count, or write down, all the small ways you are communicating, and if those actions are negative, positive or neutral.
Next, try to change the ratio to 80/20, which means that for every negative exchange, you need 4 positive (or neutral) ones!!!
Good luck!! Let me know how it goes….
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