How can we give certitude and a sense of safety to our children when we feel our world has been overturned?
We are getting farther away of the horrific events of October 7th, however there is still a lot of unknown, which creates a lot of stress in our daily lives, and adults are more on the edge, less able to concentrate / work, suffering more from physical ailment (migraines, back pain, upset stomach…), and generally sad or angry….
Just like adults, children also react to the situation and many parents have turned to me regarding all kind of regressions - children want to sleep with their parents, are afraid, potty training issues, stuttering, ticks and aggressive behavior.
The good news is that all of those are A REACTION TO STRESS, and will most probably go away spontaneously. As parents, we just need TO HOLD SPACE FOR THEM, which means to be empathic, not angry, and to be confident that this too shall pass.
Regarding aggressive behavior – Please remember that BEHAVIOR IS A LANGUAGE! Adults can express anger or fear with words, but children sometimes can’t.
Our parental role is to reframe their behavior:
“You know, when there is a war, or missiles, or a lot of alarms, it can be very scary… and it can even make us angry, so sometimes we want to hit….
Are you hitting right now because you are really angry? Or afraid?”
Being in control, by doing things, or TAKING ACTION, really helps TAMING ANXIETY, and therefore, a good tool to help children that are acting out, is to give them TASKS or ROLES, even during alarms, or when going to the shelter.
Lastly, our own strength and resilience has a direct impact on how our children will live through those challenging times, so please remember to take care of yourselves.