"You can't teach children to behave better by making them feel worse.
When Children feel better, they behave better”.
(Pam Leo)
So many parents seek help regarding negative behaviors of their children – tantrums, anger, constant opposition, but also anxiety, tics, hyper-sensitivity, a lot of nagging or crying…. Unfortunately, those behaviors have been on the rise those last 2 years….
So instead of trying to find ways to STOP those behaviors, by disciplining our children, saying “no” constantly, screaming at them, but also resonating or explaining endlessly what they did wrong…I would like to suggest you start using an essential educational tool – ENCOURAGEMENT.
Instead of making children feel bad about themselves, let’s try to emphasize all the GOOD there is in them.
What is encouragement? First of all, it’s to give someone COURAGE, but also to give that person HOPE, CONFIDENCE and FAITH. An encouraged child is a child that BELIEVES IN HIMSELF (and in the world). This child thinks highly of himself, he knows his place in your heart is SECURE, and therefore does not need to pursue attention/approval/love through negative behavior.
(By no means I am saying to not put a clear boundary!)
Examples of encouraging words:
You really made me laugh/smile yesterday.
I haven’t seen you all day, I missed you!
You don’t need my help, you can really do this on your own.
This is such a creative or smart idea.
Well done, I’m proud of you.
I love listening to you, tell me more.
You have grown so much, look at how tall / strong you are.
Let’s do something together!
I love you.
You really worked hard on this homework / drawing / task.
Would you like to acquire more educational tools? Please join me for my upcoming parenting class or for one-on-one sessions.